How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
