She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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