I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
