Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
