Acid is not a monday night drug
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize