Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry about my life...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
