I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
