meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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