I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
