I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
