Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
