he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
