i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
