By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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