i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
