Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
