Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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