can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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