honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
