your thong is hanging out like whoa
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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