Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
