dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
