i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
