it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
