paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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