Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
