I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
