so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
