then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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