Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
