I just pynch a tree in the face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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