Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
