You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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