I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
