I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
