you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize