next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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