How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dignity is for republicans.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
