All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize