this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
