he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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