Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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