it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize