Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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