Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
