Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
