Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize