how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
