Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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