You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize