My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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