K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
