I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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