"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
