i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
