There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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