You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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