You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
