dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
