she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize