DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
