My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
