I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
