talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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