so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
