She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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