i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you would pick up someone in the library
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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