You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
