I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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