I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
