Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sobbing to NWA
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
