Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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