I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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