I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
