sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
