Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
