i may or may not be watching the land before time
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
